Unmasking at Work: The Hidden Cost of Fitting In for AuDHD Leaders
Let’s start with a truth many neurodivergent professionals know intimately: sometimes it feels like everyone else’s ducks are neatly in a row, while yours are actually squirrels at a rave.
For years, that chaos didn’t have a name. It was just “trying harder,” “being professional,” “holding it together.” But as more adults discover they’re autistic, ADHD, or both (a combination often called AuDHD), one word comes up again and again — masking.
Masking is the quiet, relentless effort to appear “normal.” It’s what happens when your authentic self feels unsafe or misunderstood, so you camouflage your differences to survive, succeed, or simply belong.
And while it often works — at least on the surface — it comes with serious costs: burnout, anxiety, identity confusion, and an ever-shrinking sense of self.
This article unpacks what masking and camouflage really mean, how they appear in autism and ADHD (and the overlap in AuDHD), why the workplace can intensify them, and how leaders can begin to unmask safely — and create environments where their teams can do the same.
What Masking Actually Is
In academic research, masking and camouflaging describe strategies people use to hide or compensate for neurodivergent traits to fit social or professional norms.
Dr Laura Hull and colleagues (2019) defined three main components in the Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire (CAT-Q):
- Compensation – learning scripts, studying social rules, or mimicking body language to appear socially competent.
- Masking – actively suppressing behaviours such as stimming, honesty that’s “too blunt,” or avoiding eye contact.
- Assimilation – adjusting voice, tone, or personal style to mirror those around you.
While this framework was developed for autistic adults, research now shows similar patterns in ADHD. The difference is in the motivation:
- Autistic masking often focuses on social acceptance or avoiding stigma.
- ADHD masking tends to focus on performance — overcompensating for disorganisation, impulsivity, or inconsistency.
For AuDHD individuals, both processes collide. You’re navigating impulsivity and hyper-self-monitoring — like running two incompatible operating systems that drain the same battery.
How Clinicians Identify Masking During Diagnosis
During autism or ADHD assessment, clinicians don’t diagnose masking itself — but they do look for signs of it.
In autism assessments, structured interviews such as the ADOS-2, ADI-R, and self-report tools like the CAT-Q are used to explore how someone adapts socially.
Common questions include:
- Do you rehearse conversations or social situations in advance?
- Do you imitate how others speak or move to blend in?
- Do you feel exhausted after socialising, even when it goes well?
- Do you suppress movements, sounds, or fidgeting that help you focus?
For ADHD, diagnostic interviews like the DIVA-5 or CAARS often surface compensatory behaviour indirectly, such as:
- Do you build elaborate systems to stay on track?
- Do you work twice as hard as others to meet deadlines?
- Do you over-prepare to avoid appearing careless?
What clinicians are really looking for is discrepancy — the difference between how someone functions publicly and how much effort it takes privately.
Masking isn’t “faking.” It’s adaptation under pressure.
Subtle Ways Masking Shows Up at Work
While research defines it neatly, in everyday life masking is rarely obvious — even to the person doing it.
These examples read like a day in the life of many high-functioning professionals:
- Re-reading every email to make sure “Thanks!” doesn’t sound too blunt.
- Rehearsing small talk at the coffee machine (“Did you get caught in the rain this morning?”) so you don’t freeze.
- Sitting on your hands during meetings to stop yourself from fidgeting.
- Pretending you’re fine with hot-desking, even though unpredictability wrecks your focus.
- Copying colleagues’ email signatures (“Kind regards”) because your natural tone feels “off.”
- Forcing yourself to eat lunch with others instead of recharging alone.
- Saying “I’m fine” when the office noise is physically painful.
Individually, these might seem trivial. But stacked together, they represent hours of conscious self-regulation — a full-time job layered on top of your actual job.
That’s why so many neurodivergent professionals end the day mentally empty, even when they’ve achieved everything on paper.
Why We Mask
Masking usually begins as self-protection. From an early age, many autistic or ADHD individuals learn that their natural behaviours are “too much,” “too blunt,” or “too emotional.” To avoid exclusion or ridicule, they adapt.
In adulthood, those same habits are rewarded.
In corporate culture, masking often looks like:
- Polished professionalism.
- Endless availability.
- Perfectionism disguised as “attention to detail.”
- Over-preparation that hides executive-function struggles.
In short, we get promoted for our coping mechanisms.
The workplace often equates composure with competence, rewarding those who appear calm under pressure — not necessarily those who are thriving. For AuDHD leaders, this can create a vicious loop: you succeed because you mask well, which reinforces the need to keep masking.
The Hidden Costs of Masking
1. Emotional and Physical Exhaustion
The emotional labour of constant self-monitoring drains the nervous system.
A 2024 meta-analysis by Khudiakova and colleagues found significant correlations between camouflaging and anxiety, depression, and fatigue in autistic adults. The more people masked, the worse their mental health.
Many describe returning home from work completely depleted — unable to speak, engage, or even think clearly. It’s not laziness; it’s recovery from prolonged regulation.
2. Identity Confusion
Long-term masking can blur the line between authentic and performed identity.
After years of pretending, many adults ask: Who am I when I’m not performing?
This loss of authenticity can trigger what psychologists call identity diffusion — a sense of emptiness or disconnection from one’s true self.
3. Burnout and Breakdown
Masking often delays diagnosis because outward “success” hides distress.
Research shows that women and gender-diverse people are diagnosed later largely due to their ability to camouflage. But by the time burnout hits, the mask is cracking — often leading to crises that finally prompt assessment.
From a personal standpoint, I lived this.
Early in my leadership career, I thought professionalism meant perfection. I controlled every detail, softened my tone, and downplayed my energy to fit corporate expectations. My performance was spotless. My nervous system was not.
When that mask finally broke, so did my executive function. For months, I struggled to make simple decisions. That’s not weakness; that’s the crash that follows years of over-compensating.
Why Masking Is Especially Common in Leaders
Leadership magnifies masking.
Leaders — especially those who are late-diagnosed — often operate under immense scrutiny. You’re expected to model resilience, empathy, and communication finesse. For a neurodivergent brain, that can mean managing three realities at once:
- The work itself.
- The emotional climate of the team.
- The internal regulation it takes to appear composed.
A 2024 study by Remnélius and Bölte found that heavy camouflaging in autistic adults predicted lower quality of life even after controlling for co-occurring conditions. In other words: success doesn’t neutralise the cost.
Neurodivergent leaders often absorb emotional labour for everyone — because masking teaches us to anticipate and manage other people’s discomfort. That empathy is a strength, but it’s also a drain.
How Workplace Culture Reinforces Masking
Workplaces can unintentionally reward masking through systems that value conformity over creativity.
Common examples include:
- Open-plan offices that overload sensory systems.
- Unwritten social rules around networking, eye contact, or tone.
- Performance reviews that prioritise communication style over substance.
- Inflexible schedules that ignore energy cycles or sensory fatigue.
A 2025 study by McMahon and colleagues on hiring bias found that when autistic candidates disclosed their diagnosis after interviews, evaluators perceived them more positively than when disclosure came before — but only when the disclosure was framed with strengths and context.
That tells us something important: masking and disclosure aren’t just personal issues — they’re environmental responses.
When workplaces aren’t safe, masking becomes survival. When they are, authenticity becomes possible.
What It Means to Unmask
Unmasking isn’t about oversharing or abandoning professionalism.
It’s about reducing the energy cost of existing.
Think of it as a gradual process of alignment — choosing when and where you can be authentic without risking psychological safety.
Step 1: Awareness
Start by noticing when you’re masking.
Do you over-script conversations? Over-apologise? Adjust tone or body language to match others?
Track the physical sensations that come with it — tension, shallow breathing, fatigue.
Awareness is the first act of unmasking. You can’t drop a mask you don’t know you’re wearing.
Step 2: Create Micro-Boundaries
You don’t have to announce your neurotype to your organisation.
Begin with small, sustainable changes:
- Request a consistent workspace or reduced sensory input.
- Use asynchronous communication when possible.
- Schedule “quiet recovery” blocks after meetings.
- Say no without justification.
Each small adjustment signals to your nervous system that it’s safe to rest.
Step 3: Safe Disclosure
If and when you choose to disclose, do it intentionally.
Explain what helps, not just what you are. For example:
“I process best in writing, so I’ll follow up by email after meetings.”
Research shows that disclosure outcomes improve when managers understand why support matters, not just what label someone carries (McMahon et al., 2025).
Step 4: Reclaim Joy and Authenticity
Unmasking isn’t all heavy work. It’s also rediscovering what feels natural.
Stimming when you need to. Speaking in your real tone. Letting enthusiasm show.
The goal isn’t to shock anyone — it’s to stop performing emotional labour that no longer serves you.
How Leaders Can Support Unmasking in Teams
Leaders play a central role in shaping whether people feel safe to unmask.
A 2024 Harvard Review of Neurodiversity at Work report found that teams with inclusive climates had 2.5 times greater innovation and 30% lower turnover among neurodivergent staff. Safety isn’t just a wellbeing metric — it’s a productivity strategy.
1. Normalise Difference
Start meetings with check-ins like:
“Would anyone prefer written follow-ups or camera-off time today?”
Make flexibility standard, not special. When accommodations are visible and normalised, masking pressure decreases.
2. Model Transparency
If you’re neurodivergent, share what helps you thrive.
If you’re not, share times you’ve struggled with attention, overload, or self-doubt.
Vulnerability builds trust — and trust dismantles perfectionism.
3. Redefine “Professionalism”
Reward outcomes over appearances.
Challenge feedback norms that equate social polish with competence.
Encourage authenticity by valuing curiosity, clarity, and care over charisma.
4. Train for Empathy, Not Etiquette
Traditional “neurodiversity training” often stops at language rules.
Instead, teach teams what masking looks like — the re-reading, the over-preparation, the silence after group calls.
Understanding those signals fosters genuine empathy, not performative inclusion.
5. Protect Energy, Not Just Time
Allow recovery after high-stimulus events.
Consider meeting-free afternoons, asynchronous updates, or focus blocks.
These adjustments cost nothing but return hours of productivity and wellbeing.
Unmasking Leadership: A New Model
Unmasking leadership isn’t about discarding boundaries. It’s about choosing alignment over performance.
When you lead authentically, you’re not just helping yourself — you’re modelling the possibility of sustainable success for others.
True leadership asks:
- Are people performing or thriving?
- Are they safe to bring both their brilliance and their boundaries?
- Do our systems celebrate difference or punish it subtly through “fit”?
By answering those questions honestly, you begin to design culture instead of enforcing conformity.
Final Thoughts: Where the Mask Ends and Leadership Begins
Masking is one of the most invisible barriers to wellbeing and innovation in today’s workplaces. It hides not only distress, but also potential.
Unmasking doesn’t mean exposing every vulnerability. It means leading from a place where your strengths, quirks, and needs coexist.
And as leaders, when we make that space visible, we don’t just change how people work — we change how they belong.
Because no one should have to hide to be seen.
References
- Hull, L., Petrides, K. V., Allison, C., Smith, P., Baron-Cohen, S., Lai, M.-C., & Mandy, W. (2019). Development and validation of the Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire (CAT-Q). Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 49(3), 819–833.
- Khudiakova, V., Holdsworth, C., & Cage, E. (2024). A systematic review and meta-analysis of mental health outcomes associated with camouflaging in autistic people. Clinical Psychology Review, 108, 102357.
- McMahon, C. M., et al. (2025). First impressions of job candidates with and without autistic characteristics: Does later diagnostic disclosure change perceptions? Current Research in Behavioral Sciences, 6, 100238.
- Remnélius, K. L., & Bölte, S. (2024). Does camouflaging cause reduced quality of life? A co-twin control study. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 54(7), 2882–2896.
- Harvard Review of Neurodiversity at Work (2024). Inclusive teams, innovation, and retention. Harvard Business Publishing.
